Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
