The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
