saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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