i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
