he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
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