Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
