you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
