now i know why i became what i already was.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
