Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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