i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
