After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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