K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
