After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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