Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
