FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize