Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
