i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
