I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize