shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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