It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize