Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I am one with the molecules
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
