You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
