I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
