Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
