Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
