people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
