just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just high enough for therapy.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
