Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
So. Much. Porn.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
