I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
sarcasm needs its own font
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
