Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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