tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
