I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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