mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
