before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
