Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
