Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
