I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize