She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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