Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
