These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
