OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
