things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize