she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
