Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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