Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
