Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
