You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
