I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
