I wish I could teleport
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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