I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
