please come you make the beer taste better
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
