The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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