Don't you send me to vm
garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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