the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
