When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
