haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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