no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
