i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
only you would photoshop your dick
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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