I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
