cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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