I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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