Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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