I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
