I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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