His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
4 words: hood of his car
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you would pick up someone in the library
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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