he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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