Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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