My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
