dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
