I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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