OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
