just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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