Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Let's get the cat blown out
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
