just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
