I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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