went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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