I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
