Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
