she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize