Porn is love you can see.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
