In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
