i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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