she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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