connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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