So drunk its hurt
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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