is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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