God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
