I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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