mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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