i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
