Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
