she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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