He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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